Confessions of this Gal's Sinful Heart

Last post I wrote about labels and because of my experience in the Miss Teen Pageant I labeled myself "Disqualified".  Unfortunately, that isn't the only label I've owned.  For the last several months there has been a possibility of adopting Lexi's three year old biological sister.  Ever since I knew she was born, I have prayed she would be ours.  Recently that dream has been squelched.  Although it's likely the state will terminate her mother's rights, this baby has a different father than our daughter and the state has decided to allow him to retain his.  So she will remain unadoptable. Before we adopted Lexi I went through a painful process of infertility.  When I received the diagnosis of Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and was unable to conceive I had to put a name to my condition.  I couldn't accept that this was beyond my doing so instead I chose to impose a new and more horrible label "damaged goods"....

Currently we are vacationing at my in-laws log cabin in the woods.  Being in a quiet place with a beautiful view is very relaxing, yet my heart is never at rest.  All I'm thinking about is the laundry I have left to do, how much is piling up at work, how my ailing dogs are getting along without us, and OMG I haven't blogged !  I didn't sleep well during the night which caused me to oversleep this  morning so I didn't rise-n-shine till 10 am.  That's just not like me.  Then I went on a nice long guilt trip.   Do you do this?  Torture yourself for just relaxing?  Isn't it okay to just relax?   As women when we are on vacation so many of us are not actually vacationing.  The world doesn't revolve around me so why is it that when I'm away I think nothing can possibly function?  I know I can't control the universe and yet there is this little part of me that is convinced that I secretly can....