Confessions of this Gal's Sinful Heart

I love to play The Blame Game.  Actually I've become quite adept at it.  No matter the severity or triviality of a situation, I always manage to point a finger.  Unfortunately that finger is ALWAYS pointing at the same person........ME! I have become the worlds biggest and most critical person of my own faults and failures. Mostly I blame myself for every bad decision my child makes.  In the beginning I just figured that I was the World's Worst Mother.  The expectations I held for my daughter were immensely high.  This was a result of becoming a mother of a two-year-old who was unbelievably articulate and intelligent.  Having never parented before, I didn't know what a reasonable expectation was, and so I assumed that she could understand and be responsible for things no two-year-old could deal with.  Add in that my daughter comes from a background of abuse and neglect.  She just needed a mother who could offer he...

S eems these days the Proverbs 31 Woman is a very popular topic among us ladies.  This woman stirs up more controversy than Nancy Pelosi and Anna Nicole Smith did put together.  Some Christian ladies despise her.  To them she stands as a reminder of what they may never be.  To some they look up to her as a standard of living to master and others are somewhere in the middle.  Being the cracked pot that I am, I have really struggled with Mrs. 31 (as I like to call her).  For those of you who may be unfamiliar the bible tells us that she is: A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good; not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her fem...

O ur struggle to have a child was not too unlike most infertile couples.  We tried for years without success then turned to a fertility specialist for rigorous testing, prodding, poking and emotional turmoil.  I wanted a child of my own so badly it consumed my thoughts every waking moment and haunted my dreams every single night.  I would cry out to God every day praying for our miracle child.  Finally after 5 rounds of IUI I had had enough.  I was so distraught; after having stimulated my body to produce eight eggs on our last round of IUI and not conceiving - I knew it was time to get off the roller coaster of disappointment.  After a short but emotional discussion my husband and I decided that we would pursue adoption. In Jan of 2005 we went to a seminar at a christian adoption agency and were very dawn to China.  It took us almost 6 months but we compiled all the paperwork for our dossier and submitted it to the Chinese con...