Confessions of this Gal's Sinful Heart

And the Gold Medal goes to ..........."Joanne Cuchel".  I'm not naturally athletic but if jumping to conclusions were an Olympic Sport I'd be taking home the Gold.  Usually when someone rubs me the wrong way,slightly irritated by another, or I feel mistreated I reach for my conclusion pole vault and jump myself right into a mess!  God has been bringing this issue to light and so it calls for a confession.  Normally, I tend to read-between-the-lines and invent meaning and intentions that people have towards me that are not necessarily true.  I love to play detective by picking up context clues and deducing motives and theories that certain people are against me, don't like me, or are jealous of me.  Then what's worse, sometimes I'll go and tell a few people to recruit them into my army of sympathetic supporters.  These supporters are appalled at what so-and-so did, said or is planning to do to me.  And ...

Like many of you, I've suffered the pain of other's actions many a time.  Flawed people who have flawed intentions leaving nasty marks on my life.  For me, giving people a place in my life has become an honor.  Not to sound crass but I am rather selective over whom I allow and who I do not allow in my world .  And some I allow but keep at a safe distance.  Truth be told, I don't know if this is a Godly approach or just a defense mechanism but because I've been hurt many times before it's become necessary for me to weed out those who add no value in my life. As I'm realizing, many people I know have been there done that too.  But one thing is troubling me...lately I've seen many a facebook post about how God puts people in our lives for a reason and sometimes that reason is to hurt us.  Like this one for example: Honestly I disagree.  While some relationships are God given others are by choice.  And even...

O ne night while tucking my daughter into bed, I reminded her that tomorrow morning she must clean up her room and put all her toys away.  She asked me if I would clean it up for her.  I said yes but only if she helps.  Then she sweetly replied, "Mommy, I'm going to pray to God to put them away for me so when I wake up the mess will be clean."  I giggled and thought how cute and said, "Well, I'm sorry honey, but God doesn't clean up our messes."  Funny thing, as soon as I verbalized that statement clarity came rushing into my mind.  You see, it wasn't too long before that night that I would spend my prayer sessions begging God to heal me.  I have a laundry list of health nuisances and issues that I frankly can just do without.  From obesity to diabetes to back problems I would pray for God to heal me.  I reasoned that if God could heal the woman from the story in Mark 5, because of her faith, than He could heal m...

O ne of my good friends posted this on her facebook page a few days ago:  Since after church on Sunday, our daughter has been asking if we or she has a chicken inside? We assumed it was a part of their lesson, but could not figure out where that come from. Well, my husband cracked the code today: They have been learning about the Holy Spirit in Children's Church and about God's Power. They were telling them to "not be a chicken" when standing up for what you believe in and telling other's about God's love. LOL! As my husband tried to explain what "being a chicken" meant, our daughter got it, she said, "Well, I don't have to be a chicken because I have the Power!" Love how literal kids take things. This post hit me in the gut.  As cute as it may be, it served to remind me that sometimes I have a little chicken inside me too.  There are so many instances where I've failed to share the gospel with someone because I don't kn...

A while ago I had a dream.  I fell from the earth into a large open roofed warehouse.  Landing on my two feet I noticed that I was standing on a gravel path that extended around the perimeter of this immense space.  There were all these people running on the gravel path passing God who greeted them at the end/beginning of each lap.  In my dream God looked like James Marsden, don't ask me why cause I don't know, but that's not important.  Anyway, every runner was giving God these beautifully wrapped gifts.  He would graciously accept the present and give each runner a hug before they would continue on the in their race.  Seeing this, I approached the Lord feeling guilty because I had no gift for Him.  Apologetically, I said, "Lord forgive me but I didn't realize that I was supposed to bring you a gift."  God smiled and took my hands.  He lovingly said, "Joanne, you don't understand.  I do...

Currently we are vacationing at my in-laws log cabin in the woods.  Being in a quiet place with a beautiful view is very relaxing, yet my heart is never at rest.  All I'm thinking about is the laundry I have left to do, how much is piling up at work, how my ailing dogs are getting along without us, and OMG I haven't blogged !  I didn't sleep well during the night which caused me to oversleep this  morning so I didn't rise-n-shine till 10 am.  That's just not like me.  Then I went on a nice long guilt trip.   Do you do this?  Torture yourself for just relaxing?  Isn't it okay to just relax?   As women when we are on vacation so many of us are not actually vacationing.  The world doesn't revolve around me so why is it that when I'm away I think nothing can possibly function?  I know I can't control the universe and yet there is this little part of me that is convinced that I secretly can....

S eems these days the Proverbs 31 Woman is a very popular topic among us ladies.  This woman stirs up more controversy than Nancy Pelosi and Anna Nicole Smith did put together.  Some Christian ladies despise her.  To them she stands as a reminder of what they may never be.  To some they look up to her as a standard of living to master and others are somewhere in the middle.  Being the cracked pot that I am, I have really struggled with Mrs. 31 (as I like to call her).  For those of you who may be unfamiliar the bible tells us that she is: A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good; not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her fem...

In a previous post - Confession #8 to be exact - I mentioned that I'm a huge Disney fan.  I couldn't possibly pick a favorite movie, but I happen to be quite fond of Cars.  My favorite, like so many of us is Tow-Mater.  It's not his charm and humor that resonate with me but it's the fact that Mater loves all of his dents and flaws.  Each one holds an important memory to him.  He is proud of them.  Oh how I would love to embrace all my flaws and be happy to have them; every last wobbly-bit of my flawed body, heart, and soul.  Not too long ago a friend of mine who has been encouraging me to eat healthier, said something to me about loosing weight that put my self esteem out of whack.  It actually depressed me.  So I had this long conversation with God about it and then I opened my bible with the intention of thumbing through it until I found where I felt God was leading me, but the very page I landed on this verse was highlighted....

O ur struggle to have a child was not too unlike most infertile couples.  We tried for years without success then turned to a fertility specialist for rigorous testing, prodding, poking and emotional turmoil.  I wanted a child of my own so badly it consumed my thoughts every waking moment and haunted my dreams every single night.  I would cry out to God every day praying for our miracle child.  Finally after 5 rounds of IUI I had had enough.  I was so distraught; after having stimulated my body to produce eight eggs on our last round of IUI and not conceiving - I knew it was time to get off the roller coaster of disappointment.  After a short but emotional discussion my husband and I decided that we would pursue adoption. In Jan of 2005 we went to a seminar at a christian adoption agency and were very dawn to China.  It took us almost 6 months but we compiled all the paperwork for our dossier and submitted it to the Chinese con...

G ood girlfriends are the best and sometimes hard to find!  But when you do, they are priceless.  These are the gals ya' call up and cry, "Girl I've gotta vent!".  They're the ladies that you meet at Starbucks once a week for a chat, the ladies who's kids you set up play dates with so you can have a date with them too.  They're sometimes even the girl that lives far away that you can't go a week without a phone call to.  I love my girlfriends, and frankly I wouldn't want to do life without them.  But what do you do when a friend, a good friend hurts you over and over again?  Let me preface the rest of my confession by explaining that I don't consider myself a hypersensitive person.  Things do not easily bother me, but hurting people, hurt people and since most of us have hurts in our pasts then well, you know... See, I've had issues with friends in my past; ladies that frankly aren't my friends any longer.  Why?  Becau...

I t's that wonderful time again.  The time when everything anyone says me rubs me the wrong way.  You know what I'm talking about.  Sometimes even a simple hello can come across the wrong way.  (To add insult to injury I'm out of chocolate too!) Of course there's no one to blame, it's just a case of Stinkin' Thinkin'.  As Christians it's a major faux pas to carry around this kind of disease, but after all we are sinful humans and well it comes with the territory of our fallen world.  In my short time as a Bible teacher, I've spoke on this topic twice, and I can tell you the steps to take to get rid of it.  But if you don't keep them up, you're bound to have a relapse.  I've been missing some of the steps in my daily routine so before I sat down to write this evening I took a bath in the Word. One of the verses that I read is 1 Peter 4:11 "If anyone speaks he should do it as one speaking the very words of God."   But...

I 'm a Disney fanatic.  I love the Princesses.  So beautiful, gentle, and kind.  Like most girls when I was young my fantasy was that I would grow up to meet my Prince Charming and of course we'd live happily ever after.  What woman doesn't want that?  Snow White, Cinderella, Belle, they were my hero's.  They had done it, they found their Prince.  Disney had me convinced that I would find mine too.  And I'm happy to say that I did meet my Prince Charming.  He was everything I wanted in a mate.  He was kind, loving, considerate.  He cared about my needs and worked hard to fulfill my wants.  He was romantic and of course charming.  And when we married the future was all ours to live happily ever after.  I still have a good marriage to a man I love, but happily ever after?  Not so much. Disney let's get real and make a film about what life is like after marrying the Prince.  Can...