Confessions of this Gal's Sinful Heart

Recently my ego was deeply wounded  by way of the ugly mouthed neighbor.  Yes he's struck again, this time verbally attacking me with a barrage of "fat" insults.  I've mentioned him in the past in Confession #37 .  This is a man who has proven himself to be an instrument of Satan's many times over. But sadly today's post is not about this man; not really.  Unfortunately, it's about me.  It's a confession I feel compelled to make one of which results in many apologies.  The problem is my mouth, well, actually my heart.   "For out of the fullness (the overflow, the superabundance) of the heart the mouth speaks" Matthew 12:34.  Because my ego was seriously wounded, anger and hatred rose up; a decision I freely made because we all know that I didn't have to entertain those feelings.  As a result I justified my foul mouthed words and evil thoughts.  What's worse is that I was almost became unaware that I was doing so until my frie...

When I was fourteen, JC Penney's held modeling classes in their corporate offices for young girls like me.    I desperately wanted to be a model.  The fame, the fortune, the clothes, being known for your beauty, traveling the world, it's many girls dreams.  So I signed up right away.  There I sat, a short, very awkward, undeveloped tween with extremely kinky curly hair (my nickname at school was Don King)  and to top it off a rather large Italian nose.  I didn't know how to walk, dress, style my hair or put on makeup, but I figured this is what the class was for; to teach me how to become perfect like a supermodel and then I would land a modeling contract.  Obviously that never happened.   On the contrary, I ended up quitting after the second or third class because I was so embarrassed by the fact that the instructor chose to use me as the example for all lessons on "What not to..." Thankfully I grew out of that awkw...

Today dear sisters was a very difficult day.  Our dog of 14 years, Nicolas, died.  His health has been declining for a long time but after suffering a stroke early this morning we knew it was time to let go.  The process took a toll out on myself and my husband, but it was also very difficult for our 6 year old.  She kept saying, I wish no one ever had to die. Don't we all?  How many of us who have lost a loved one, would do almost anything to bring them back again.  Personally, the closest I've come to this kind of loss is when my Grandfather died back in 1993.  I never did get to say goodbye.  After staying strong while managing to get myself and my sister packed and on a flight to Tampa, when I saw his body lying in there in the casket I broke down terribly.  I grabbed his jacket and kept screaming, "Grandpa, Grandpa!".  His death wasn't real until I saw him.  That's why I hate viewings.  Death is a nece...

John 21:15-17 Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”  “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”  Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”  Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”  He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”  Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”  The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”  Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”  Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. My daughter has this cute little book, "Guess How Much I Love You."  Little Nutbrown Hare and Big Nutbrown Hare measure how much they love one another.  My daughter and I love this book.  As a matter of fact we always used to say, "I love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!" and hold our arms out as wide as humanly possible.  Each time we'd...

G ood girlfriends are the best and sometimes hard to find!  But when you do, they are priceless.  These are the gals ya' call up and cry, "Girl I've gotta vent!".  They're the ladies that you meet at Starbucks once a week for a chat, the ladies who's kids you set up play dates with so you can have a date with them too.  They're sometimes even the girl that lives far away that you can't go a week without a phone call to.  I love my girlfriends, and frankly I wouldn't want to do life without them.  But what do you do when a friend, a good friend hurts you over and over again?  Let me preface the rest of my confession by explaining that I don't consider myself a hypersensitive person.  Things do not easily bother me, but hurting people, hurt people and since most of us have hurts in our pasts then well, you know... See, I've had issues with friends in my past; ladies that frankly aren't my friends any longer.  Why?  Becau...

A s the saying goes, "Forgive and Forget"  That's what God does with our sin right?  The bible says, "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more." Isa 43:25   The Lord is forgiving of our sins as we are to be forgiving of others.  But does that mean that we should not remember it any longer?  I can tell you that I have struggled with this.  Tossed and turned many nights over it.  Like everyone, I've had some difficult people in my life and difficult situations to forgive.  And I can say that God has worked forgiveness in my heart toward those who have wronged me, but the pain I have not forgotten.  My conclusion is, that the Lord wants me to remember.  The memory of pain reminds me to forgive.  For example when a parent instructs their child to stay away from a lit candle, but the child ignores the instruction and touches the flame anyway. The pain reminds the child not ...

 W hile on our honeymoon my husband and I went horseback riding.  Since that was about the 2nd time in my life that I had been on a horse, and since I'm a chunky girl, I wasn't too sure about this experience.  I'm am not necessarily an adventurous person by nature, normally I live vicariously through my more adventurous friends and family.  For example roller coasters are not my thing; the thought of dropping so that I can't feel the bottom of my stomach is not a fun one!  I suppose it's because I'm a control freak.  We'll get to that in another confession, but for now it's back to our regularly scheduled program - I hate surprises.   As I was saying...I was not happy about getting on a horse.  All the other people got their horses before me; it seemed the guide had a special horse picked just for me.  The guide said in a strong cowboy accent, "Ma'am your horse is named Surprise."  Surprise?  I thought, "W...

 Angela and I at my Bridal Shower  A lthough, technically I was saved when I was about 5 or 6 years old, I didn't really start walking with the Lord until 1996.  It was the day after Christmas and I was having lunch with a friend mine, Angela, when she presented the gospel to me with God's plan of salvation.   I was concerned how this decision would effect my relationship with my husband and the rest of my family and so I politely declined the invitation.  Thankfully, she didn't not take no for an answer.  As a not-so-religious Catholic with an Aunt who was a born again Christian, whom my family labeled a "Jesus Freak" and "Bible fanatic" I was afraid, that if I accepted Christ it would hurt my marriage and my relationship with my family.  My husband and I were still newlyweds and he didn't seem interested in anything that had to do with God.  Of course I had nothing to fear, God is soooo good, a year la...