Confessions of this Gal's Sinful Heart

For years I’ve been wrestling with such pain, rejection and emotional abuse at the hands of certain people in my life.  It has been very difficult separating myself from it and walking away.  There is so much at stake leaving them behind and results in hurting innocent people in the process.  A tremendous amount of bitterness, rage, anger and unforgiveness has built up within me.  As a victim I’m absolutely entitled to feel this way.  They wronged me, they abuse me, they reject and hurt me continually.  I have every right to feel this way.  And I’ve finally make the choice to walk away even though it hurts people who don’t deserve it.  But even with that, I still feel the hatred that has been clinging to my soul.  I want to be released from these sour, twisted emotions that take hold of my heart on a continual basis.  I want to finally be free of rehearsing scenarios of how, when, and what I will say or do to one day get a even....

Today dear sisters was a very difficult day.  Our dog of 14 years, Nicolas, died.  His health has been declining for a long time but after suffering a stroke early this morning we knew it was time to let go.  The process took a toll out on myself and my husband, but it was also very difficult for our 6 year old.  She kept saying, I wish no one ever had to die. Don't we all?  How many of us who have lost a loved one, would do almost anything to bring them back again.  Personally, the closest I've come to this kind of loss is when my Grandfather died back in 1993.  I never did get to say goodbye.  After staying strong while managing to get myself and my sister packed and on a flight to Tampa, when I saw his body lying in there in the casket I broke down terribly.  I grabbed his jacket and kept screaming, "Grandpa, Grandpa!".  His death wasn't real until I saw him.  That's why I hate viewings.  Death is a nece...