Confession #57 - Face the Fact that... I'm Thankful

Anybody else struggling to look forward to the holidays this year?  I admit that I have been.  I'm ashamed to say but every year the holidays have become harder to look forward to.  Having to make difficult decisions, missing lost loved ones, no funds, and something you look forward to taken away.  Having to choose which dysfunctional family you want to pass the time with.  Not fun.

Last year, to have something more to look forward to at the holidays, I came up with a brilliant idea.  I decided that we would take a family vacation to Disney World the week before Christmas.  I planned a year in advance, I saved every penny I had, and made all our dining reservations 180 days prior.  By meticulously mapping out our vacation agenda it helped, for the most part, to take my mind off the impending gloom of the holidays.  However, the vacation did not go as I had planned, due to a financial crisis we had to take many things off the list and downgrade others.  Thankfully, none-the-less, with a little help we were still able to take the vacation.  Although when you have a child with emotional and behavioral challenges, the happiest place on earth can literally turn into a nightmare. (I'll save that story for another time).

This year is more challenging still and there's no way possible of distracting myself with another vacation.  This  year I have to face the music.  I have to face the loss of Grandpa and our dear pets, and a divorce that is splitting up our family (not my husband & I). I have to face the fact we will inevitably deal with family drama and I have to face the fact that we may not be able to buy my daughter Christmas gifts.

I'm even getting to the point were I don't want to hear another person talk about Christmas shopping.  All of you out there getting your shop on, good for you.  I'm not saying this to make anyone feel bad but whenever I hear a reference to shopping I become so depressed.  My family is helping by getting our daughter some of the things she wants, but it's so hard not knowing if

My hubby

Santa's going to be able to show up at our house.

With that being said it's interesting how an economic crisis can change your perspective on the everything.  Every morning I wake up and thank God for my beautiful life.  For truly it is a beautiful life.  I have so much to be thankful for and life could be so much worse.  Every day is an immeasurable gift. Life is an amazing journey and without these struggles God could not mold me into the woman He's created me to be.

So this holiday season, I'll be focusing on what's really important, and facing the fact that I have a dysfunctional but very loving family, the fact that I have a husband and child that fill me with joy, the fact that I still have a roof over my head, food on the table, a good job, friends are there for me and who pray for me, an adorable dog, a car that's still running, and most of all a Savior that came and faced a hardship I could never imagine so I could be saved.  So if there is never a another gift under the tree, or a vacation in sight, I will still be thankful; for my treasures are not in this world nor are they of this world.  Satan you LOSE!  Christ has bought and paid for me dearly and my heart belongs to Him!

Last Year's Tree

Ladies, it may be a struggle to see joy in the journey, and have hope for the holidays, but once you make the decision to choose joy, peace, and thankfulness you will open a gift far better than anything under the tree.

"If you don't have Christmas in your heart, you will never find it under the tree."  Roy L. Smith.

Dear Heavenly Father, once again Lord, I thank you for EVERYTHING.  You amaze me more and more everyday and your presence and love is all I need.  For my sisters-in-Christ that are facing the fact that the holidays may not be very merry, I pray they will find joy, peace and thankfulness under their tree this year.  And most of all Abba Father, thank you for sending Jesus to earth to save us from sin.  In Jesus' precious name I pray.  Amen.