Confession #87: The Golden Buzzer

Today while visiting a friend, she asked if I had seen this amazing girl on AGT. I told her that I don’t watch that show but after she described this woman, I said wait, is that Nightbirde? She said yes and played the clip. This gorgeous woman with a song in her heart put herself out there in front of the entire world to compete. Then she reveals she has been suffering from this horrific cancer in her lungs and spine and liver, and she only has a 2% chance of survival. Her song an original she wrote called, “It’s okay.” 

I recognized the description of her because, ironically, this was the second introduction I had to the amazing Nightbirde. Just the day before I had stumbled across her one of her blog posts. An ode to the Lord that she praises God amid her pain. Coincidence? NEVER! 

Recently, I have had the stuffing knocked out of me. Taking blows has become somewhat routine in my life and this current situation is one of the more powerful ones. Thankfully, I do not have cancer and as far as I know and my chances for survival are better than 2%. But my chances of success do not feel that way. Especially when I have been hoping and dreaming of this for what feels like forever and the Lord told me this is His plan for my life. Now, I feel like I have a terrible cancer invading my future eroding my dreams. 

 I am a fighter. I’ve always been. I fought my way to a better situation after leaving the abuse of growing up in a narcissistic home. I fought my way to trust again after being raped and sexually assaulted several times. I fought my way around users, the people that say they are your friends but are only in it for what they can get out of you. When I wanted promotion at a former job and I was told that I was too weak to deal with the cut-throat salespeople, so what did I do? I applied for a different job working alongside them instead and not only did I get it, I succeeded at it. That’s my M.O., I’ve always faced things pretty undaunted. Open a new business? Yes. Get my real estate license? I passed the first-time round. I’ve tried a lot of different things, but these where not for me. 

 God had other plans, plans to put many of my gifts and talents to work. And I knew it was just around the corner. I could taste it, smell it, it was happening, and my life was finally about to make sense again and I would be happy. Then BAM! Cancer!  Not of the body, mind you, but of the dream. I have been waiting and waiting to get this, I’m qualified, I have a proven track record, but still the answer is no. How can I ever be happy again? Then Nightbirde said, “You can’t wait until life isn’t bad anymore till you decide to be happy.” Wait, read that again, “YOU CAN’T WAIT UNTIL LIFE ISN’T BAD ANYMORE TILL YOU DECIDE TO BE HAPPY!” Those words hit me in the gut. I have struggled to be happy in everything I’ve ever tried to do, when one thing didn’t pan out, I moved on and tried something else. But it never worked out because none of it made me happy. Not. Even. Once. Floral design school, fashion design school, graphic design courses, job promotions. Nothing until I began serving my God. 

Now, at 51 I’ve got no fight left in me, I feel as if I’ve got no energy to “try” and make things happen.

I’m deeply saddened and I’m not the kind of person that can hide my feelings, I wear them on my sleeve. Grin and bear it is not in my DNA, but “it’s okay”. Nightbirde has a 2% chance but so long as we have breath in our lungs, God is not done with us yet. Nightbird said, “It’s so important that everyone knows that I’m so much more than the bad things that happen to me.” WOW another profound punch to the gut! Yes!!!!! I’m so much more than what has happened to me, and I can still be used powerfully by God. It may not be the way I imagined but God NEVER lies. 

So how do you pull yourself up from the depths of pain and despair when God told you yes and man told you no? How do you keep on keeping on in the lion’s den or in the furnace or when cancer is ravaging your body and when your eminent demise is at hand? You trust. 

It seems impossible I know, but God makes ways where there are no ways. Over and over, He did it for Daniel, He did it for Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego. He did it for Paul and Silas, He did it for the woman at the well, and the woman with the issue of blood. He did it for those he raised from the dead, and He still does it everyday for us. He would not make a promise He wasn’t about to keep. He led the Israelites out of lives of slavery and abuse because of the great love He has for His people. In Exodus 14:13 Moses tells God’s people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today…. The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.” Be still. Psalm 46:10 says this again, “Be still, and know that I am God.” God is in control. He is working things out for us, and we need only be still and trust. 

 At the end of her audition, after delivering a beautiful and heartfelt melody, Nightbirde got yeses from every judge except one, Simon. She got the other’s approval, but from Simon she got so much more, a golden buzzer that shoots her straight to the finale. No more competitions, no chance of someone else knocking her out of the running, she gets to go right to the finals! Because when God is for us no one can be against us (Romans 8:31). “I have a 2% chance of survival, but 2% is not 0”, said Nightbirde.

Someday I’ll get a golden buzzer from God and shoot straight to the promise He made me. Someday I’ll see that dream come to fruition and it’ll be bigger and better than I’ve ever even imagined because God promises, “To him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20. 

 What are you waiting on? Have you been disappointed? Has man said no to what God said yes to?  Fear, not, be still and know… “Though it linger, wait for it; It will certainly come and will not delay.” Habakkuk 2:3. The dreams God gives do not die, they linger, but they always come. Your day awaits, but don’t wait to be happy until it does, be happy now, be more than what’s happened to you, be full of joy and grace and alive with the Spirit of God and as long as there’s breath in your lungs, praise the Lord! 

Dear Heavenly Father, I lift up myself and my sisters-in-Christ who have been disappointed waiting on dreams that have yet to come to pass. I ask for your peace and your joy to come over us right now. Comfort us with your Spirit O Lord as we praise you and give us the countenance to be still and know you are God. Let us wait patiently for our Golden Buzzer. In Jesus’ precious name I pray. AMEN. 

Check out Nightbirde’s AGT audition here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZJvBfoHDk0&t=69s 

Read her blog here: https://www.nightbirde.co/