Who among us doesn’t love a Unicorn? Majestic, magical symbols of hope, love and
happiness. As a kid one of my favorite
movies was “The Last Unicorn.” Many
movies have painted such beautiful pictures of these creatures of fantasy. But they aren’t real, they are the stuff
dreams are made of. And clinging to
fantasy instead of God can lead to dark places.
To those of you who followed me in the past, you know that it’s
been quite a while since my last post.
You might be wondering where I’ve been, so I’ll put to you plain and
simple, I’ve been LOST. Spiritually
speaking, I took a wrong turn and ended up down a dead-end back alley that got me
wandering for a while; a long while. I
was trying to find myself and I finally realized it wasn’t me I’d lost, it was
JESUS. I lost him because I took my eyes
off the King and only focused on fantasy.
I found myself at the bottom of a pit.
Believing that if I could just cling to my hope and dreams for tomorrow,
this insane Unicorn I invented, that somehow all would be okay. Instead, I found myself spiritually empty and
out of touch with reality, clinging to this unicorn and spiraling out of
emotional control.
In my last post “The Last Seven Years”, I spoke about how
God was blessing us and how things began to change and improve for my family
financially. However, I think God may
have been using that time to test me. Honestly, I was worse off during the few years
of financial security. Believing this
was the end to our struggles, I clung to hopes and dreams of a relocating, buying
a new home, vacations, and material possessions. God
never promised me any of this. He never
promised that He was going to open doors to worldly desires. I turned to a Unicorn instead of the
Lord. Sadly, I not only invented this
unicorn, but I believed in it with all my heart. I bought a lie. As you’ve probably guessed, the improvement
in our finances was temporary and we are back to struggling, worse than before.
Normally I would be wallowing in this. I’d be mad as, you know what! But I’m not.
Okay I must be completely honest, this dirty Christian woman was mad;
that is, REALLY, REALLY MAD. So angry in
fact, I turned away from God. Then I
became depressed. Depressed enough to
think that my family would be better off without me. And for a long while I seriously contemplated
ending my life. I had fantasized so much
about what our lives would be like, that I didn’t know how to live anymore
without that fantasy, I didn’t know how to let go of the Unicorn.
Previously, I thought my relationship with Jesus was predicated
on my “Christian” actions. Dedicated and
consistent prayer life, being in a bible study, leading a group, serving at
church, donating and giving. None of
this was bad, but I think in the back of my head I believed that my
relationship with Jesus hung on it. It
doesn’t, and it never did. Jesus showed
me that He just wanted to be with me. He
showed me that the times in my life I was the most content was when I was
closest to Him. I was happiest when I spend time with Him by reading
the word without question or provocation and praying, just to talk to my Abba,
Father. Truth is, I forgot that He loves
me because I was too busy being in love with a Unicorn.
Thankfully, God is so good!
The LORD lifted me out of the pit of despair and gave me a new
hope. No fantasy, no Unicorn, but the presence of a real, living God. He
reminded me of whose I am, and who I am in Him.
I’m not angry about our struggles anymore, I’m not depressed about my
circumstances, I’m hopeful for a future grounded in Christ. I’m hopeful with a God that has ALWAYS
provided. I’m hopeful that by keeping my
eyes on Jesus and my grip on the word, that I will never desire a Unicorn
again. I’m hopeful that JESUS is all I
need.
Hopes and dreams for the future aren’t bad and wanting a new
home, or to take nice vacations aren’t wrong.
But becoming more focused on these things instead of God can lead to
destruction. Like the bible reminds us, “…For the love of money is a root of all
kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and
pierced themselves with many griefs.” 1 Timothy 6:10. It doesn’t say money is evil, but the love of
it is. My love of these things kept me
clinging to a Unicorn.
Deuteronomy 13:4 "You shall follow the LORD your God and
fear Him; and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him,
and cling to Him.” Joshua 23:8 "But you are to cling to
the LORD your God, as you have done to this day.” Deuteronomy 11:22 "For if you are
careful to keep all this commandment which I am commanding you to do, to love
the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways and hold fast to Him…” 2 Kings 18:6 “For he clung to the LORD; he
did not depart from following Him, but kept His commandments, which the LORD
had commanded Moses.” Psalm 63:8 “My
soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.” Jeremiah 13:11 “For as the waistband clings
to the waist of a man, so I made the whole household of Israel and the whole
household of Judah cling to Me,' declares the LORD, 'that they might be for Me
a people, for renown, for praise and for glory…”
What are you clinging to today? My prayer is that it’s Jesus.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for rescuing me from my Unicorn! Thank you for showing me who I am in you Dear
Lord. Father I pray for my sisters who
may be struggling with this as well. I
ask that you reveal to them the truth, take away the fantasy and help them have
healthy hopes and dreams. Keep them from
clinging to Unicorns and grab onto Jesus!
In His precious name I pray, AMEN!
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