Skip to main content

Confession #77 Broken

It's been such a long time since I've written and it feels a little strange.  Like going back to a place you haven't visited in a long while.  At the same time it feels good, it feels like home.  For a long while now I haven't been here because I've been avoiding it.  People I know, have often asked why I haven't written for so long and my answer is because I don't have anything in me to write.  I'm not so sure that's accurate.

Tonight during the discussion part of my Bible Study something came up that made me realize that it's not that I didn't have anything to write, it's that my life had gotten so far from the Lord and so incredibly "dirty" that I couldn't bare to confess it to my readers.

This last year and a half has been particularly painful.  I chose a new path for myself, one that has rocked my confidence and self esteem to the core. I've been hurt, lied to, used and abused; it's been a dark time for sure.  I've lost my identity and I don't know who I am anymore.  On top of all that many of my relationships have been on the edge.  Money is the worst it's ever been and all I want to do most days is bury my head.  I feel so completely broken.

Today I saw this on Facebook, I wish I knew who wrote it, as it was just a copy and paste post, but WOW.  It was a total Aha moment:

"I was in Dollar Tree last night and there was a lady and two kids behind me in the LONG line. One was a big kid, one was a toddler. The bigger one had a pack of glow sticks and the baby was screaming for them so the Mom opened the pack and gave him one, which stopped his tears. He walked around with it smiling, but then the bigger boy took it and the baby started screaming again. Just as the Mom was about to fuss at the older child, he bent the glow stick and handed it back to the baby. As we walked outside at the same time, the baby noticed that the stick was now glowing and his brother said "I
Photo by Ryan Franco on Unsplash
had to break it so you could get the full effect from it." I almost ran because l could hear God saying to me, "I had to break you too show you why I created you. You had to go through it so you could fulfill your purpose." That little baby was happy just swinging that "unbroken" glow stick around in the air because he didn't understand what it was created to do which was "glow". There are some people who will be content just "being" but some of us that God has chosen, we have to be "broken". We have to get sick. We go through divorce. We have to bury our spouse, parents, best friend, or our child because, in those moments of desperation, God is breaking us but when the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we were created."
"God is breaking us but when the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we where created." I just love that!!!!  I don't have to look at this state I'm in as disaster.  I can see that it's God' way of helping to make me glow again.  I know He's broken me to put me back together better than I was before.  Being broken has drawn me closer to the Lord, I'm  attending church regularly again, in a bible study, connecting with Christian friends again, but most importantly I'm praying and spending time with God consistently.

Photo by Eric TERRADE on Unsplash
Being broken is not the end my friend, it's the beginning of something real and beautiful because God loves and uses broken things to shine his glory.  It's up to us how long we want to stay in pieces.  And no you cannot just pick yourself up and put yourself back together, that's God's job.  Until we yield to Him, we're going to stay in a heap of rubble.  I'm not interested or willing to stay this way.  I've decided to wait on the Lord, put my faith in action and see how God builds this mess into a masterpiece.

Are you feeling broken too?   Let me pray for you.

Dear Heavenly Father, Lord I know that you have a plan and a purpose for us all.  I know that sometimes we can't fulfill that purpose until you break us.  It's painful and humiliating at times but I know that you are not ashamed of us no matter what.  I know that you love us beyond any love we can possibly imagine and I know that you want to give us the best life we could ask for.  A life that comes from submission to you.  Lord please give strength to  my broken sisters-in-Christ tonight.  Father be with them carry them through this difficult sorrow-filled road and lead us to our destinies as you build a better more beautiful us in the image of your radiant son, Jesus Christ.  It's in His name I pray.  AMEN.



Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Confession #87: The Golden Buzzer

Today while visiting a friend, she asked if I had seen this amazing girl on AGT. I told her that I don’t watch that show but after she described this woman, I said wait, is that Nightbirde? She said yes and played the clip. This gorgeous woman with a song in her heart put herself out there in front of the entire world to compete. Then she reveals she has been suffering from this horrific cancer in her lungs and spine and liver, and she only has a 2% chance of survival. Her song an original she wrote called, “It’s okay.”  I recognized the description of her because, ironically, this was the second introduction I had to the amazing Nightbirde. Just the day before I had stumbled across her one of her blog posts. An ode to the Lord that she praises God amid her pain. Coincidence? NEVER!  Recently, I have had the stuffing knocked out of me. Taking blows has become somewhat routine in my life and this current situation is one of the more powerful ones. Thankfully, I do n...
Post a Comment
Read more

Confession #83 "It Ain't Over, Till it's Over"

You know the famous saying by the baseball great Yogi Berra, “It ain’t over till it’s over?”  Well in God’s economy, it’s true!   In Luke 18: 1 it says, “Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.”   In 1999 when my husband and I purchased our home, we had no children and the plan for them was years off, so we didn’t think much about school zoning.  Honestly, we thought by the time we would have to be concerned with schools we would have moved into a larger home in a better area.  After all, this was our starter home.   Twenty-one years later and by the grace of God, we are still here.  And that school zoning problem has been an issue since our daughter became school aged.  Rather than send her to our local zoned schools we opted for charter schools.  Knowing we could not afford to send her to a private, or Christian school that was the best we could give her.  I beli...
Post a Comment
Read more

Confession #21 - Cheap Thrills Mean Nothin'

If you grew up in the 80's like I did you may remember a song by Planet Patrol called Cheap Thrills.  Cheap Thrills mean nothing...they will tear your soul apart .  Well I've learned this lesson the hard way.  The school I grew up in taught me if somethings broke don't fix it just buy a new one.   Cheap Thrills .  Spend money on lottery tickets.  Cheap Thrills .  Upgrade your car every few years.  Cheap Thrills .  New Clothes for every vacation.  Cheap Thrills etc.... Growing up in that kind of environment conditioned me to think that money was the only thing that mattered.   I never really put a value on money or how much stuff cost.  If I wanted something I bought it. Now that kind of philosophy might lead one to believe that I grew up in a family with means.  Not so; I grew up in a family that had nothing, but, good credit.  We could pay if off on a cc or make monthly payments so we'...
Post a Comment
Read more