Confession #77 Broken

It's been such a long time since I've written and it feels a little strange.  Like going back to a place you haven't visited in a long while.  At the same time it feels good, it feels like home.  For a long while now I haven't been here because I've been avoiding it.  People I know, have often asked why I haven't written for so long and my answer is because I don't have anything in me to write.  I'm not so sure that's accurate.

Tonight during the discussion part of my Bible Study something came up that made me realize that it's not that I didn't have anything to write, it's that my life had gotten so far from the Lord and so incredibly "dirty" that I couldn't bare to confess it to my readers.

This last year and a half has been particularly painful.  I chose a new path for myself, one that has rocked my confidence and self esteem to the core. I've been hurt, lied to, used and abused; it's been a dark time for sure.  I've lost my identity and I don't know who I am anymore.  On top of all that many of my relationships have been on the edge.  Money is the worst it's ever been and all I want to do most days is bury my head.  I feel so completely broken.

Today I saw this on Facebook, I wish I knew who wrote it, as it was just a copy and paste post, but WOW.  It was a total Aha moment:

"I was in Dollar Tree last night and there was a lady and two kids behind me in the LONG line. One was a big kid, one was a toddler. The bigger one had a pack of glow sticks and the baby was screaming for them so the Mom opened the pack and gave him one, which stopped his tears. He walked around with it smiling, but then the bigger boy took it and the baby started screaming again. Just as the Mom was about to fuss at the older child, he bent the glow stick and handed it back to the baby. As we walked outside at the same time, the baby noticed that the stick was now glowing and his brother said "I

had to break it so you could get the full effect from it." I almost ran because l could hear God saying to me, "I had to break you too show you why I created you. You had to go through it so you could fulfill your purpose." That little baby was happy just swinging that "unbroken" glow stick around in the air because he didn't understand what it was created to do which was "glow". There are some people who will be content just "being" but some of us that God has chosen, we have to be "broken". We have to get sick. We go through divorce. We have to bury our spouse, parents, best friend, or our child because, in those moments of desperation, God is breaking us but when the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we were created."

"God is breaking us but when the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we where created." I just love that!!!!  I don't have to look at this state I'm in as disaster.  I can see that it's God' way of helping to make me glow again.  I know He's broken me to put me back together better than I was before.  Being broken has drawn me closer to the Lord, I'm  attending church regularly again, in a bible study, connecting with Christian friends again, but most importantly I'm praying and spending time with God consistently.

Being broken is not the end my friend, it's the beginning of something real and beautiful because God loves and uses broken things to shine his glory.  It's up to us how long we want to stay in pieces.  And no you cannot just pick yourself up and put yourself back together, that's God's job.  Until we yield to Him, we're going to stay in a heap of rubble.  I'm not interested or willing to stay this way.  I've decided to wait on the Lord, put my faith in action and see how God builds this mess into a masterpiece.

Are you feeling broken too?   Let me pray for you.

Dear Heavenly Father, Lord I know that you have a plan and a purpose for us all.  I know that sometimes we can't fulfill that purpose until you break us.  It's painful and humiliating at times but I know that you are not ashamed of us no matter what.  I know that you love us beyond any love we can possibly imagine and I know that you want to give us the best life we could ask for.  A life that comes from submission to you.  Lord please give strength to  my broken sisters-in-Christ tonight.  Father be with them carry them through this difficult sorrow-filled road and lead us to our destinies as you build a better more beautiful us in the image of your radiant son, Jesus Christ.  It's in His name I pray.  AMEN.