Confessions of this Gal's Sinful Heart

It's been such a long time since I've written and it feels a little strange.  Like going back to a place you haven't visited in a long while.  At the same time it feels good, it feels like home.  For a long while now I haven't been here because I've been avoiding it.  People I know, have often asked why I haven't written for so long and my answer is because I don't have anything in me to write.  I'm not so sure that's accurate. Tonight during the discussion part of my Bible Study something came up that made me realize that it's not that I didn't have anything to write, it's that my life had gotten so far from the Lord and so incredibly "dirty" that I couldn't bare to confess it to my readers. This last year and a half has been particularly painful.  I chose a new path for myself, one that has rocked my confidence and self esteem to the core. I've been hurt, lied to, used and abused; it's been a dark time for su...

Who among us doesn’t love a Unicorn?  Majestic, magical symbols of hope, love and happiness.  As a kid one of my favorite movies was “The Last Unicorn.”   Many movies have painted such beautiful pictures of these creatures of fantasy.  But they aren’t real, they are the stuff dreams are made of.  And clinging to fantasy instead of God can lead to dark places. To those of you who followed me in the past, you know that it’s been quite a while since my last post.  You might be wondering where I’ve been, so I’ll put to you plain and simple, I’ve been LOST.   Spiritually speaking, I took a wrong turn and ended up down a dead-end back alley that got me wandering for a while; a long while.  I was trying to find myself and I finally realized it wasn’t me I’d lost, it was JESUS.  I lost him because I took my eyes off the King and only focused on fantasy.  I found myself at the bottom of a pit.  Believing that if I could just cl...

In God's economy seven is a Holy number.  In the old testament seven years represents the Sabbath or Shmita year which is the year of rest.     At the end of seven years God's intention was for the land to have rest and the poor to eat, for his people to be debt-free, and Israelite slaves were to be set free. Here's just a few verses about it in the Bible: "You may plant your land for six years and gather its crops. But during the seventh year, you must leave it alone and withdraw from it. The needy among you will then be able to eat just as you do, and whatever is left over can be eaten by wild animals. This also applies to your vineyard and your olive grove." (Exodus 23:10–11) "At the end of every seven years, you shall celebrate the remission year. The idea of the remission year is that every creditor shall remit any debt owed by his neighbor and brother when God's remission year comes around. You may collect from the alien, but if you have any c...

A few nights ago a friend of mine was in distress.  She felt she had cheated her children out of a legacy because she and her husband had made some poor decisions where money is concerned.  She expressed feeling as if she had nothing of value to leave them.  She said that it's her responsibility as a parent to leave a legacy to her children, to give them an inheritance.  She said that she blew it. My heart grieved for my friend but I strongly disagreed with her reasoning.  While I do agree we are to be good stewards of the resources God blesses us with, which includes leaving an inheritance for our children, I 100% disagree that by not leaving a financial inheritance qualifies as not leaving our children a legacy. For the last 10 years my financial life has radically changed.  My husband and I have gone from a high five figure income to living just above poverty level.  We've had no health insurance, no life insurance, no savings, no retirement, ...

M y best friend tells me that I am growing in my walk with the Lord all the time.  She encourages me whenever I feel like I've blown it she says, "Well that showed progress."  And perhaps she's right ,but I don't always feel that way myself.  Most of the time I feel like I was only just inches, just moments away from blowing it... In particular there was an incident this weekend in which I came really close to blowing it.  I've mentioned in the past that I'm Italian so it should come as no shock and surprise that I have a temper.  But I'm also a mamma, which mean when you mess with my kid, you get the protective mamma bear and the Italian temper in one big explosive package... On Sunday we attended a birthday party at a local kid's museum.  After the party the children were allowed to enjoy the museum on their own.  My daughter took off with her friends and I sat down with the rest of the parents for a little quiet time and conversation.  ...

Lexi's gloomy face These last few weeks have been tough with our daughter.  Please don't get me wrong, I love my child.  She is a blessing from God and I thank Him for the privilege of being her mom.  But she is VERY challenging.  I don't quite know how to explain this to those of you who have kids.  Simply because most of you parents out there are probably thinking they're all like that.  But believe me when I tell you she's different.  Without divulging too many details, she takes challenging and strong-willed to new levels. In particular she's a constant complainer.   NOTHING, AND I MEAN NOTHING you ever try to do for her is ever satisfactory or good enough to make her happy.  It takes a tremendous toll out on me emotionally.  Not because I wish to please her but by anticipating how to avoid meltdown moments and planning ahead with a solution, she quickly turns those ideas into failures by refusing and rejecting my efforts cau...

Year after year the holidays come and the holidays go.  Every year I stress, worry and get depressed thinking of what family drama to anticipate.  I stress over hosting or not, I stress if I've been fair and generous enough with gift giving.  I stress making sure my wrapping paper matches our Christmas decor.  For me the holidays are usually a time to stress. Last Christmas I blogged  "Dreaming of a White Christmas" .  A video confession of all that I do "wrong" at the holidays and how I fail to focus on Christ every year. This year with the need to finally have a "White Christmas", the Lord saw fit to use my situation to bring about some much needed changes in my holiday festivities.  Changes that can only come from a Christ-centered relationship. Although I confess, I did spend more than I had, and racked up some debt, this year has been radically different.  First I need to take you back a year.  Last year I decided to stand u...